Really????

So we started week 3 of school yesterday and I can tell you that things haven't been perfect but they have been okay.  Let me give you the highlights to catch you up to date... day 3 James almost got suspended for throwing a book at his teacher (his aide took lunch during writing so what is a kid to do?)... his first aide left that day never to return (apparently not because of anything he did or didn't do)... enter new aide on day 4... things go pretty well episodes of shutting down but nothing violently spectacular.... yesterday, after a horrible 2 hour commute into work, I got the call... checked my phone and the name of his school showed up.  I tentatively answered it because there are only 2 reasons why they would be calling at 9:45 AM. First, James is sick and needs to be picked up ASAP or second, he is in trouble.  I answered and found the AP on the other end of the line (CRAP).  He explained to me that James would be receiving a referral from his gym teacher and went to tell me the reason.  The class had been running the mile and James was doing well.  At one point one of his friends fell.  James was far ahead and turn to see his downed friend so he looped back to help him up. (to be honest my first thought when the AP was starting to tell me about this was , Oh CRAP, James kicked the other kid!  Oh wait... that was 3rd grade!) >>click here<< >>and another<<  (I am sure that we could all come up with a thousand acts of humanity to put here).  Anyway, his gym teacher told James to keep running and he would assist the child who had fallen.  James focused  on what he thought was the greater good and refused to run because his friend was hurt.  Enter... the first referral and detention of the year!  When James was told by the teacher that he would be getting a referral to the office, he just replied, "okay, thank you". (the end of the referral said that James seemed happy to be getting out of running the mile.)

Here is my response email...

Thank you Mr. H**** for calling me this morning to discuss the issues that had happened this morning with James. He hadn't given us the information about not being able to wear his red and white Ash Ketchum hat.  We were under the impression that if the hat was completely red then it couldn't be worn.  James is really attached to this hat but we will discuss this with him and make sure he keeps it at home from now on.

As for the incident in gym, James is a very black and white thinker and we have spent years teaching him to be empathetic towards others.  For those who don't know about the referral it is because James didn't comply to his gym teachers request for him to continue to run and not worry about another student who had fallen.  James was apparently very focused on helping the student and repeatedly didn't comply with the directive to return to running.  He was told that he would get a referral and he did get one for not listening to his teachers requests. 

I understand that James needs to comply to things adults tell him to do, however, James should be able to show his growth in social interactions if it isn't something dangerous.  I am confident that if he had been able to assist his friend that he would have happily complied with the directive after making sure the other child was okay.  If he isn't allowed to follow through you run the risk of him shutting down and not doing anything. 

To me, this incident warrants a "good friend" recognition instead of a referral.  Again, I understand that James needs to learn to comply when he is given something to do but I don't want to take away the side of James that is the sweet, amazing, side of his humanity and turn him into a compliant robot.  Sometimes standing up for what is right is more important.  I am home on Wednesday and I will be with him during his detention showing that I am proud that he tried to do the right thing but was not allowed to do so.  Please let me know where to meet him at 2:55 on Wednesday.  Thank you 

Only 169 more school days left until summer vacation!!