A while ago, I was asked by one of James clinical staff at his Autism program to write what it felt like when we got the news that James had Autism. My response follows here...
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| Diagnosis Day, 12/20/06 |
I should have known… But I didn’t want to know…
he was perfect! Sweet! Quiet!
Beautiful! I should have known…
10 month old babies shouldn’t know where all of the continents on the planet
are… But I loved my brilliant little explorer! … 13 month olds are not supposed
to lose the sweet words they used to get their favorite treats… But I loved my
silent little man! I should have known…
I had dedicated my life since my graduation from college in 1987 to children
with Autism. I had seen all of this
before but I was blindsided on 12/20/2006 when the developmental pediatrician
looked at me and my husband and uttered the word for the first time in the
presence of my beautiful boy. The word
Autism lingered in the air and permeated all available space. I couldn’t swallow or speak. I just stared at my son, barely 3, driving
his favorite car on the wall and not bothering to see if mommy was okay. He was James… Just James… He is not Autism
but somehow Autism changed form and when James turned to look towards me… I saw
it for the first time and in that moment… I knew… And I embraced him… All of
him!!! He is love and loved and yes… he
has Autism.
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| same day |
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