Post from The Laughter Dad...

The night James was working on following written directions with us and the homework behaviorist was frustrating for our little guy. He was quite chagrined to discover at Question 8 that he was supposed to ignore Questions 1-7 when he had already bulled ahead and done them. One thing James does in such situations is to talk about the problem he's had to try to figure it out; tell the story of what happened, as it were. He started doing this; meanwhile, the behaviorist was still trying to ram home the lesson of "read ALL the directions" and talking over him. Naturally, James got upset. Declaring he was done because no one would listen, he headed upstairs. I followed to see if I could talk him back down. He wasn't having it. I told him I understood how he was feeling, but that if he went back downstairs I was sure the behaviorist would say he was sorry. "No, he'll never do that." Then James had an idea to get out of having to go down the stairs. He had been playing with a penny; now he said "I'm going to flip this coin. If it comes down Heads I'm never going down. If it's tails I have to." I wasn't about to agree to this, but he had already started. Flip, catch, slap it onto his arm. Tails! James headed downstairs saying "I hate coins!"

                           
Incidentally, he was only halfway down the stairs before the behaviorist called up to him apologizing.

The Evolution of Following Directions

Following directions is a very important skill to have no matter how old or young you are.  Small babies learn to imitate at a very young age.  They can often stick out their tongues in imitation as early as 6 weeks old.  This is likely the first direction they will ever follow.  Later they learn "NO" and "STOP" as these are very important safety directions.  Later they will learn to follow one step commands, (give me your cup please) and then two step related directions (please go to the door and bring me your shoes). Eventually they will do two step unrelated directions (put your dish in the sink and kiss the dog). And so it continues until they reach school and then directions and following them become paramount.
We have been working on following written and oral directions with James over the past few nights since he is on spring break with no homework and his homework behaviorist is still coming.  It has really been quite eye opening because James has been nailing the oral directions and falling down on the written ones.  I think he still has a long way to go!!  The three adults involved in this session reminded him over and over to read everything first but he shushed us and told us he had it.  We let him run with it and follow his understanding of what he was supposed to do.

He actually did write his name on the back but we also got in some nice writing and math practice!!

Me and Mini-Me

(I have purposefully left Charlotte out of this blog but not because I don't want all of this for her it; is just that she is a more private person than James and I respect that... well most of the time!)
I think as parents we always hope that our kids will learn from our shortcomings.  I do. I hope that my kids see that they are the captains of their destiny no matter where that will take them.  I hope that they have the courage to believe in their inner beauty and not listen to the swarms of people lining up to tell them they are not pretty enough, thin enough, tall enough... ENOUGH!! Please listen to one of my favorite GLEE (yes I am a GLEEK!) smashups... I will wait... I Feel Pretty/ Unpretty mashup
I am a product of what other people think of me.  My parents and family love me unconditionally but the world is much crueler!  It has taken me a LOOOOOOOONG time to stop listening to them and start listening to the inner me.  It wasn't until I heard Shane Koyczan do his To This Day poem that it really hit me... I need to define my own beauty, not follow what others believe about beauty.  I want this more than anything for my children.  I want them to ignore everything that society is telling them about BEAUTY and just to BE BEAUTIFUL, whatever that means to them.  When someone says to James, "You look just like your mum," I don't want him to be clouded by other people's perception of my physical appearance but his understanding of who I am in his world.  Following his own understanding of what that means.

Shane Koyczan talks, in his wonderful poem, about a girl who grows up feeling "ugly" because kids teased her constantly in school. "...to this day despite a loving husband she doesn't think she’s beautiful because of a birthmark that takes up a little less than half of her face kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer that someone tried to erase but couldn't quite get the job done and they’ll never understand that she’s raising two kids whose definition of beauty begins with the word mom..." >>the full poem here<<  

So to Jamesie I say, "I love you and you are my very special "mini-me."  Just be true to yourself and you will go far!!  Don't listen to those who want to say mean things to tear you down.  You are a HUGE part of my definition of BEAUTY!! Just remember to take me with you so I don't have to miss any part of your amazing and beautiful journey."

Me and James at approximately the same age.  Freaky isn't it!

...I Have Just Found 10,000 Ways That Didn't Work... (Thomas Edison)

Failure isn't a 4 letter word.  It isn't something that should be feared.  Failure is often the best avenue to success.  Sounds oxymoronic, doesn't it?  Failing... I don't even like how the word sounds.  Now, when I am talking about failure, I am not talking about kids who don't study for a test and fail the test.  That isn't failure, it is just plain lazy and disrespectful of the teacher's time.  I am talking about learners who take educational risks and miss the mark.
I believe in this country failure is something that is viewed as a bad thing.  It, in fact, can be a very beneficial experience.  >>click here<<  But are we progressive enough to allow our kids to bring home a failing grade on a test or worse yet... a report card?  I would like to think that I would be okay with this.  I would like to believe that I would embrace the "failure is often the best avenue to success" mentality. I don't really know at this point.  I do know that I would like to know what the teachers are willing to do when the kids in the class work hard but miss the mark.
One of the things I have learned with my two kids is that failure looks very different for them.  For Charlotte it can be a 99% on a test because she failed perfection by one point.  For James, well... his biggest "failure" this year has been on the Accelerated Reading tests he does on the computer.  The scores come straight to my email and I know in an instant if it is a book he has read or one he just likes the title of.  You decide which is which!

One of the best teaching techniques I have ever seen used for kids who miss the mark, but are trying, was actually this year.  Charlotte is taking IB Physics, and it is tough!! On one exceptionally difficult test where practically the whole class failed, her teacher decided that the kids could correct the problems that were wrong and receive 1/2 credit.  BAM from failure --> to 85% --> to success, and we will take that!! I want this written into James's IEP for next year when they start getting letter grades.  Anything that he gets lower than a C on, I want him to have the opportunity to correct and be retested on, or just pass the corrections in and receive partial credit on.  He learns very well with positive reinforcement, and he has already told me that he only wants A's and B's next year because they are cool.   He is capable of greatness in the classroom, it is just a matter of finding the correct formula.  I hope it happens because, if it is on the IEP, then I will not feel like a failure!!

Apparently You CAN Teach and Old Dog New Tricks!

It is a given... if you have a kid, especially a kid with special needs... everything that you want them to do has to have a BIG purpose.  Every step they take has to be towards a HUGE goal, even if the goal is minute.  I am the same.  I am a thoroughly seasoned Autism parent, I get that our kids makes strides and loses ground at unpredictable times.  But with everything I plan for James to do to help him reach goals, I want a big return on my investment.  It is just who I am and I know that James is capable of amazing things.
I am all about giving James rich experiences, whether he wants them or not.  These experiences are interests he has, but, often the experience is tricky to complete because of his anxiety or need for sameness all the time.  Our latest endeavor is fencing.  James LOVES fencing but getting him to want to do it is often a horrible experience.  His coach really wants him to WANT to fence.  Ah... after living with James for his whole life I can tell the coach that James NEVER independently wants to do anything other than his 3DS or Wii games.  We have to force him to want to do most things.  For him to experience anything it is a battle of wills.  Luckily, James's sister has her fencing class right before his private lesson every Saturday, so we are already there.
Yesterday was like every Saturday.  "I don't want to fence!  I don't want to wear the "armor!" (it is a boy thing) "I don't want to...." the list goes on and on.  We got him ready, one of his coaches helped him get "suited up."  He chose an épée.  He chose his favorite helmet.  He got hooked up on the line for scoring. He got the instructions from his coach about what they were working on for the lesson (keeping his arm straight during multiple consecutive attack episodes). He saluted his coach, put on his helmet, and got into position.  He fenced well, and his coach allowed James to have "James moments" as well as "coach moments."  "James moments" usually are silly and playful, like hitting the coach's mask with his épée to see what will happen.  What happened was his coach returned the hit to James's mask.  They both giggled and got back to "coach moments."  See... respect!!
It was wonderful to see James and his coach connect on this level.  Very few people allow James to be James during a structured activity.  James learns very well when he is respected for the individual he is.  His coach gets this and is highly respectful of James.  It is the way of fencing.  It is probably the most respectful of all of competitive sports.  It is likely this way because it is a "gentleman's" sport. I don't know the reasons, but it works for James.
After James's lesson, Brian and I were talking to the coach and thanking him for working so well with James.  And then it happened.  Some of the most insightful words I have ever heard came out of his mouth.  He told us that he sees some great potential in James as a young fencer and if it turns into something beautiful that is great.  If not... well he at least has had the experience.  WAIT... GO BACK... REWIND PLEASE... No big, life altering, goal driven destination!  Just let him have the experience and see what comes from it?  YEAHBUT....Ah... Okay... This old Autism mum just got schooled on James.  Cool!

After Many Hours of Searching... BAM I Found IT!!

I ate a LOT of these guys trying to fuel my search!! Thanks

Sometimes I can find things very quickly through my amazing ninja like search moves.  I have always told my kids that if it exists on the internet, I can find it!  Today, after HOURS of searching, I found an amazing gem!! I have been searching for a list of possible classroom modifications and accommodations for James.  I could have come up with one myself BUT I don't like to reinvent the wheel if I don't need to.  Anyway, here it is >>It is GORGEOUS!!!<<  I looked all over the web with a variety of search words and I found this one right in my backyard! Well kind of.  I hope it will help others as much as it will help me on April 12th!!

Learning Through History

8th grade Civil War Era Cotillion
This experience constituted the final
grade for history

I have spent countless hours over the past few days trying to prepare for James's IEP meeting that is coming up in a few weeks.  Fight for an aide or allow him to go it alone.  Work on getting modifications and accommodations in the classroom to cater more to James's learning style.  James is doing okay in a mainstreamed classroom without an aide but I don't know his potential if his curriculum were modified or if he had support in the classroom.  It is grueling and I am utterly exhausted!

James preparing to present
his speech on his favorite
famous person George
Washington (2nd grade)

James preparing for his trip
to the pioneer school this coming
Thursday!!

We have found wonderful pockets of educational experiences for our kids that are so worth the exhaustion.  Both of the kids have had wonderful, living history, experiences that have taught them way more than a textbook possibly could.  Some of the most memorable have been:

California Gold Rush Charlotte
(4th grade)

5th grade Age of Sail (1906) Balclutha on
the SF Bay (Charlotte LOVED
this experience!!)