I am all about giving James rich experiences, whether he wants them or not. These experiences are interests he has, but, often the experience is tricky to complete because of his anxiety or need for sameness all the time. Our latest endeavor is fencing. James LOVES fencing but getting him to want to do it is often a horrible experience. His coach really wants him to WANT to fence. Ah... after living with James for his whole life I can tell the coach that James NEVER independently wants to do anything other than his 3DS or Wii games. We have to force him to want to do most things. For him to experience anything it is a battle of wills. Luckily, James's sister has her fencing class right before his private lesson every Saturday, so we are already there. Yesterday was like every Saturday. "I don't want to fence! I don't want to wear the "armor!" (it is a boy thing) "I don't want to...." the list goes on and on. We got him ready, one of his coaches helped him get "suited up." He chose an épée. He chose his favorite helmet. He got hooked up on the line for scoring. He got the instructions from his coach about what they were working on for the lesson (keeping his arm straight during multiple consecutive attack episodes). He saluted his coach, put on his helmet, and got into position. He fenced well, and his coach allowed James to have "James moments" as well as "coach moments." "James moments" usually are silly and playful, like hitting the coach's mask with his épée to see what will happen. What happened was his coach returned the hit to James's mask. They both giggled and got back to "coach moments." See... respect!!
It was wonderful to see James and his coach connect on this level. Very few people allow James to be James during a structured activity. James learns very well when he is respected for the individual he is. His coach gets this and is highly respectful of James. It is the way of fencing. It is probably the most respectful of all of competitive sports. It is likely this way because it is a "gentleman's" sport. I don't know the reasons, but it works for James.
After James's lesson, Brian and I were talking to the coach and thanking him for working so well with James. And then it happened. Some of the most insightful words I have ever heard came out of his mouth. He told us that he sees some great potential in James as a young fencer and if it turns into something beautiful that is great. If not... well he at least has had the experience. WAIT... GO BACK... REWIND PLEASE... No big, life altering, goal driven destination! Just let him have the experience and see what comes from it? YEAHBUT....Ah... Okay... This old Autism mum just got schooled on James. Cool!