Siblings For Better or Worse

Going from here to...

here in 8 short years

I love talking about sibling issues with parents of special needs children.  Siblings are the spice in the perfect family recipe.  I have siblings and my husband has a sibling. We felt that our daughter should be given the same chances we had growing up to learn about his amazing relationship.  My daughter started asking for a sibling around her 2nd birthday because some of her friends had a new brother or sister.  She kept asking year after year until finally when she was 7 her fondest wish was finally granted.

To a child, asking mum or dad about ordering up a sibling is kin to sitting on Santa's knee and listing off all of the things they want in a sibling.  "I want a sister, who likes princesses, wizards, fairies, glitter, ponies, dress up, does everything I tell her to do ........."  My daughter cried when she found out that she was going to having a brother and not a sister.  She had to cross out the first thing on her list. What else would have to go?  She was too young to understand basic biology so I didn't even go down the "don't blame me" path.  We have a motto in our house that was taught to James when he was having great difficulty not getting everything he wanted, "you get what you get and don't pitch a fit!"  

The second our daughter got her hands on her brother the sibling gene kicked in and she was hopelessly in love!  She used to come home from school, run to his crib and poke his foot so he would wake up.  Then she would announce that he was awake and could she play with him PLEEEEEASE.  It didn't matter to her that I had spent the 45 minutes before she got home getting him settled so I could give her my full attention and have alone time with her.  He was the best doll ever!!!!

Over the years our kids have fallen in and out of like with each other.  "Mom, tell him to stop looking at me!" (eye contact..... YIPEE) "Mom, she doesn't want to play with me!" (learning how to handle NO.... YIPEE) "Mom, tell him go away!" (he knows that others exist... YIPEE)  "Mom, she wants to hug me and I don't want a hug!" (learning about accepting affection from others and talking about what he wants and doesn't want.... YIPEE)  The sibling relationship is a wonderful teaching tool with a zilliions of learning opportunities a day.

For my full take on sibling relationships (not just siblings of children with Autism), I have a pamphlet that I wrote for Well Worth the Journey: Sibling pamphlet    If you would like my take on the sibling connection specific for Autism, my Autism pamphlet has a sibling connection page: Autism pamphlet.  It is important to take the needs of all of your children into consideration to keep balance in the family.  Siblings often need support of other siblings in similar situations.  You can check out the following link to see if there is a sibling support group in your area: Sibling Network.  

Finding your happy spot when your kids are going at it can be difficult.  One way I have heard that works well is to get your bickering siblings on either side of the windows in your house (if you live on the ground floor!).  Give each one a spray bottle and get your windows washed while they find a way to be civil with each other!  If you happen to be in the same boat I am with my daughter being 7 years older than her brother, I just look at her and simply say, "You asked for a sibling."