Rodger.......... Mom Where's Rodger?

I hear Rodger's name over 100 times a day.  More than James looks for his sister, dad or me, he is looking for Rodger.  Rodger is his soul mate, his confidant, and his best friend.  Rodger knows all and is all things to James. Rodger plays baseball and has birthday parties.  James shares everything with Rodger. Rodger goes with us on vacation, to restaurants, to the dentist, to the doctor, had his tonsils out a few years ago, and has been to just about every hair cut James has ever had.  Rodger even helps James get his point across to the dense parents in his life.  I can't count the times that James has handed me his plate full of food and said that Rodger doesn't like this food he would prefer PIZZA!  Rodger is just one of the family.  

Unfortunately, Rodger sometimes gets left places and can't be retrieved and that is where the magic takes place.  Just like in the old classic Lassie show, a new Rodger appears and takes up where the last one left off!  We started with about 10 "Rodgers" with different colors and faces but the same general shape. At one time James loved them all the same.  It didn't really matter which one he had as long as he had one of them. It didn't matter if they had one eye, no eyes or two eyes.  It didn't matter if they had spots, brown fur or white fur.  It didn't matter, didn't matter, didn't matter at all... This worked well up until a few months ago!  Now the official Rodger has cousins, sisters and brothers. The official Rodger is spotted with one eye.  He has a scent that can't be described or lost even if given 50 baths.  He has a limp neck and faded fur.  He is the absolute personification of LOVE!! 

When James was first diagnosed with Classic Autism, my heart broke because I was fully aware of the social limitations individuals with Autism face.  Would he be able to make loving connections?  Would he ever say I love you and mean it?  Would he know that my husband, his sister and I love him more than words can describe?  Would he know what true love really is and feels like? I am glad to say that I can definitely say YES to all of the above questions!! In all instances, Rodger is somehow part of the equation.  Rodger is either somewhere in the picture or conversation. Rodger is the bridge between James' Autism world and our social one.  He has crossed over this bridge many times with the help of Rodger.  Who would have thought that a scruffy, limp necked, faded fur, stinky (and I mean STINKY not from lack of many trips through the wash) stuffed animal could do so much for us as a family?  I guess we owe a lot to Rodger and I guess in our own way, everyone in our family loves Rodger. He is James' Velveteen Rabbit.  He is REAL!! 


In an excerpt from the Velveteen Rabbit, the Skin Horse tells the rabbit what it means to become real... 


“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.' 

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” 

― Margery Williams Bianco, The Velveteen Rabbit

A few weeks ago at school James was asked to answer a question about a book the class had just read and here is his teacher summation of the exchange...

(Trying to get ready for the STAR testing) "Yesterday they read a sample story with questions.  The title was Carl's New Friend.  In the short story, it was raining and Carl ends up finding a frog who becomes his friend.  The question asked who Carl's new friend was...dog, boy, frog or cat.  The answer was frog.  I asked if anyone had a question on why frog was the correct answer.  James raised his hand.  I called on him, and he said, "A frog can't talk, so that can't be his new friend.  The answer has to be boy."  I explained that many people have pets and call them their friends.  Roger was sitting on his desk, so I thought that would be a great example.  I said, "Roger doesn't talk, but he is still your friend."  He very calmly but firmly said, "Roger isn't my friend.  He is my brother!"  I chuckled so hard inside...he was so literal about a frog not being able to be a friend because it couldn't talk...yet Roger can't talk and he is closer than a friend!  It was so cute!!!"   

So today I choose to find my bliss in knowing that the scruffy, stinky, one eyed, limp necked friend that is all to James is also all to me.  I owe him sooooo much!  I can never repay him for all that he has given my family.  He is the MVP (Most Valuable Purchase) in my life.  He is worth more than everything I own.  He is and will always be my hero.  (I just hope he last through all of the loving that James bestows on him everyday.) Thank you Rodger and you are always welcome to accompany us on any vacation, night out, movie, car ride, shopping trip, snugly story time before bed, and sleep in James' bed as long as you like.  But if you ever decide to stay where we have been, please remember that Target doesn't sell you anymore and you are one of a kind!  Please don't run away!  We all need you for our sanity!!