Wishing on a Star

The big news lately been about the Mars rover (and it's findings) >here< and the meteor showers >here< that started last night . Okay that may be great space news but in our little corner of the universe the big news is ~ school starts tomorrow!!  Letter to teacher (done), high school registration (done), pay for school supplies (done), permission to dispense medication at school form signed by doctor (done), new shoes bought (done), everything I haven't thought about that needs to get done (DONE)!  Last thing to do on my list happens tomorrow morning, get the kids up at an awful time stuff them into the car and open the door at their respective depositories.  Glad my husband is home so he can help with the little one!
Just a little something to make you giddy and giggle like a girl (in case school isn't starting for you tomorrow), yesterday James was drinking lemonade (no surprise there). At one point, when my husband was pouring more into his cup, James started to screech (in a happy way).  "Mom, look... there is an iceberg in my cup!" 
So today, on the last day of summer, I choose to find my bliss knowing that I am likely the only one in the house who is happy that tomorrow is 8/13.  I also choose to find happiness that James has a unique way of looking at the world and the result is often wonderful!!

If I think hard enough, maybe I can figure out how to make it 6/2 again!! 

Sometimes my Friend James Makes me HAPPY/ Sometimes my Friend James Makes me SAD

In my never ending attempt to create a good environment for James at school, this year in addition to the every popular teachers letters >here< and >here<, I am also tackling the kids in his class.  Last year we took a, "Let's wait and see how it goes without anyone being told about his Autism" approach.  We let the cat out of the bag on the last day of school >here<.  Needless to say, this year we are approaching it from a different angle to empower the kids to know how to be friends with a child with Autism. 
I found this nice write up on the Autism Speaks website (I know that there is a lot of controversy around this site but there is a lot of great information there too!)

How To Be a Friend to Someone With Autism 

> Take the Initiative to Include Him or Her - Your friend may desperately
want to be included and may not know how to ask.  Be specific about what
you want him to do.
> Find Common Interests - It will be much easier to talk about or share
something you both like to do (movies, sports, music, books, TV shows, etc.).
> Be Persistent and Patient - Remember that your friend with autism may take
more time to respond than other people.  It doesn’t necessarily mean he or
she isn’t interested.
> Communicate Clearly - Speak at a reasonable speed and volume.  It might
be helpful to use short sentences.  Use gestures, pictures, and facial
expressions to help communicate.  Speak literally – do not use confusing
figures of speech (He may truthfully tell you, “the sky” if you ask “What’s up?”)
> Stand Up For Him or Her - If you see someone teasing or bullying a friend
with autism, take a stand and tell the person that it’s not cool.
> Remember Sensory Sensitivity - Your friend may be very uncomfortable in
certain situations or places (crowds, noisy areas, etc.).  Ask if he or she is
OK.  Sometimes your friend may need a break.
> Give Feedback - If your friend with autism is doing something inappropriate,
it’s OK to tell him nicely.  Just be sure to also tell him what the right thing to
do is because he may not know.
> Don’t Be Afraid - Your friend is just a kid like you who needs a little help.
Accept his or her differences and respect strengths just as you would for any
friend.
Adapted, Peter Faustino

Here are some of my additions...

Sometimes my Friend James Makes me HAPPY

I like James and sometimes he makes me happy 

because of something he says or does.  

Let me tell you about what makes me happy.

Sometimes my Friend James Makes me SAD

I like James and sometimes he makes me sad 

because of something he says or does.  

What should I do when he makes me sad?

More Prep for Third Grade

Our intention as parents is to prepare and not scare the teachers of our children.  James has scary moments when his passion takes over.  Passion is his emotion for defiance!  In his own way it is a way of handling anxiety.  Here is my additional write up for the teacher to get a clearer understanding of who James is.

When “Angry, Defiant” James takes over…

                                  

James wears his emotions on his sleeve.  He can go from happy to really upset and angry in less than a heartbeat.  When the angry James appears, there are a few things you can do to help him through this.

Ø  Remain calm and do not verbally engage him; don’t listen to his rants and angry words.  He will be pulling out all of his strongest words to try to get you to engage. 

Ø  Don’t try to negotiate with him when he is angry as he can’t hear you or process anything when he is this upset  

Ø  Remind him that he can take a break to calm down.  He still needs to comply with your request when he is calm again.

Ø  James is an “all or nothing” kid.  He feels that if he has a few difficult moments during the day, the entire day is horrible.  The classroom behavior color chart is a good reminder for James about how his day is going.  However, if he ends up on red before the second bell rings at the beginning of the day, the rest of the day will likely be awful as well.  It helps for James to work in shorter behavior increments.  The “behavior clock” can get reset every 30 minutes or hour to give James chances to redeem himself. 

Ø  After James recovers he will likely spend time talking about how upset his family will be with him and they will not like him (he will use stronger words).  Just remind him that everyone has hard times and now he is making good choices.  Try not to engage in his “pity party”.  Just simply state, “James, your family loves you” and leave it at that. 

Ø  James will stomp his foot or pound on the desk when he is upset.  You will have to decide if this behavior will be acceptable in your classroom.  (For me, this is a huge improvement from kindergarten and first grade where chairs were thrown when he was upset!)  This behavior can have more than one benefit.  First, it punctuates his anger and helps him recover quicker.  Second, the jarring effect of banging or stomping helps to regulate his sensory system.  (you can have him jump if you don’t like the stomping feet) And finally, this is far better than some choice words that could come out.

Ø  Follow through on both natural and classroom consequences.  If he has to finish work at recess or take home to do with homework he will learn very quickly that it isn’t worth losing his free time. 

Ø  When “in control James” returns, it is best to get a case of selective amnesia.  For your records you can keep a log of his behaviors, but as far as James is concerned the incident is over and he has a fresh start to make good choices.

Ø  For James’ privacy, it may be better for him to leave the room if he is really upset.  He doesn’t need spectators and some of the kids in the class may get upset.  (I added the contact information here for his Autism program and the school psychologist)

I am a no nonsense mom and I don't sugar coat things.  James is amazing and he is also difficult.  It is what makes him uniquely him!! 

A Lot of Learning has to Happen in the Next Week!

There has been a lot about school starting on most of my frequented blogs.  For us, here in our little corner of Cali, school starts on August 13th!  That is very soon (8 days if you include today but it is almost supper so the day is essentially gone)!  I have spent the summer preparing James for the school year ahead - teaching him how to work independently and without fighting every step of the way.  One thing I haven't been able to get him comfortable with is dressing for the day before the day is over.  He has become very comfy in his vacation uniform.
                   
August 13th, at 6:20AM, is gonna hit the little man like a brick!  Anyone out there dress their kids in their day clothes the night before?

My Version of a Letter to the Teacher

There have been a lot of post lately about letter to teachers now that school will be starting soon.  (9 more days, I think I can, I think I can, I hope I can make it!!)  I created a small booklet called, Surviving the Thriving in the Experience... Teaching James and Loving it... A Practical Guide.  In it, there is a snapshot of James and then some words of wisdom from the previous years teacher to the new teacher.  Here is the snapshot...

Snapshot of James…

James thrives on structure and schedules.  He likes to know when things are happening and if there is a change in the schedule, he likes to be warned so he can process the information before it happens.

He is very intelligent but doesn’t like the actual learning and doing aspect of school or homework at home.  He likes games that are played even if it means that he is learning while he is playing.  His favorite thing to do at school is to use the “clickers” as it replicates his video games at home. 

James is very social.  He thrives on connecting with those who are important to him in the classroom.   If he doesn’t feel like he has had enough talking time he will often disrupt the learning of others to get what he needs.  IT is all about him!!

He is very black and white as a thinker.  He needs reminders that there are other answers that could be correct and he requires visual verification to make it a reality for him.  This is one of the most difficult things for him because it really limits his ability to be a creative thinker. 

He tends to follow the “fight or flight” way of dealing with things he doesn’t want to do.  Usually he will attempt to leave the environment of refuse to do the activity.  He will generally come back and finish the activity after a break but not always. 

James is generally distracted by activity in the classroom and may not finish work in the time allowed.  He gets caught up in conversations that are not relevant to him or what others are doing even if they are across the room.  If he is in the middle of doing something, he may not be able to get back to it and finish or he may forget what he was asked to do.  He is very visual so some kind of visual reminder is often very helpful.

James LOVES to argue.  He can get very loud and passionate about his position.  He loves the challenge of seeing if he can frustrate the other person and he will just win.  Standing your ground, taking yourself out of the equation and keeping calm is the best way to temper the temper. If the schedule says it is time to write, point to the schedule.  He may stomp his foot or bang the table before he complies, (it is much better than what he used to do... throwing chairs across the room!)

James is all about choices!  Sometimes just giving him a choice between two pages can solve the problem of him not wanting to do whatever he's being asked to do. Sometimes when he's being more difficult, it may be a choice between doing the work in class, during recess, and taking it home to complete with his homework. This final option would be his least favorite because of all the fun things that he has at home to do after homework is finished.

I love James, he is my son, but the little man is LAZY!  If he can get someone else to do things for him, he will.  Naturally, I think we all have this tendency but James can take it to the extreme! 

James says almost everything he is thinking.  He doesn’t think before he talks and so may say something that is hurtful or inappropriate without meaning to vocalize it.  He can be reminded to not say “red words”.  “Red words” are words that hurt others or James.  He can also be reminded to use nice words.  If reminders are given, he is fully capable of not getting in verbal trouble with friends or teachers.   He can also get fixated on words and repeat them over and over again.   If he is allowed to continue it may never end but if he is told that he can say the word 1 more time, and follow through happens, he will stop.

Finally, just when you think you have figured James out, he changes things up.  The challenge is to treat him like any other kid in your class and enjoy the ride.

Not for the Squeamish!! We're Talking About Poop!!

Anyone who lives in the ASD world is very used to poop conversations.  We talk about it a lot because so many of our kids have issues with it.  We are very lucky in our house that James is regular and has very little difficulty with tummy and poop related problems.  Except for one.  Being a very sensory kid, the whole cleaning issue comes up very frequently.  At 8 and 1/2 he is fully capable of cleaning himself independently.  He has done it before he just doesn't like to because it is gross.  I guess he doesn't remember the amazing diapers his dad and I changed the first 4 years of his life!  Not high on my list either but it is a necessary skill for independent toileting.
Tonight, as I was making supper, I heard James scream from the hall bathroom upstairs for me to call his daddy.  I knew why, daddy is the official potty guy.  I told him that daddy was two hours away and I was making supper.  I walked him through it again.  I got wipe updates yelled down to me, "still some poop" "not as much but still some."  All the way until, "I am finally done!" "Good job buddy!  Please flush and wash your hands." "What do I do about the poop that is on the floor?" "Just leave it and I will clean it up later." "Don't forget to dry your hands after you wash them." "Can't, because I used the towel on the pee that got on the floor!"
I need to paint a bulls eye inside all of my toilets because that little man still can't aim!   Just another day in my crazy house.  Daddy is home all next week and I have already told him that he isn't leaving the house at all next week without James.  What a looooooong summer it has been!  9 more days and then school begins again!!

Good thing this kid is loved as much as he is!! Boy do I love this picture!!

Post number 100

I can't believe, that 99 posts have already come and gone!  Today is a treat, I finally got my Dragon NaturallySpeaking program for the computer. This blog was done without touching the keyboard. James says " it works awesome!" It will take some doing to figure out all of the nuances but I am hopeful that this will help me in my endeavors to continue to bring fascinating blogs to everybody on Laughter, Could be the Missing Piece!
I hope that in the blogs to come there will be a sense of peace and bliss to those who read it. Autism, and all that it brings into the family, certainly brings challenges to our lives. Using the Dragon NaturallySpeaking program, instead of thinking and typing at the same time, is certainly going to be a new challenge and take some getting used to! I guess, when I type, it activates my brain.
Here's to another hundred bliss filled blogs.  I have a confession to make, as I've been dictating, I have been correcting the dictation.  As punctuation is not my forte, I can't guarantee that any of it is right.  Both of my editors are not at home so today it is just a punctuation party!  I hope everybody hasa wonderful night with your family and tomorrow brings more reasons for being happy and blissful!
"Hey James. Do you want to say hi?"
"Hi my name is James.  So are you happy?  Do you like pizza?  it's fun I'm going to sing.  I'll sing a right song right now will fly I wired a rare doughboy idea Gary will be my wife. I was a bull frog."


As you can tell this is going to take some work as the program is calibrated to my voice.  James had a great time doing this!  By the way, the cute little face scrunch towards the middle of the video, was because after he said period, it actually appeared!  Have a wonderful day!!  I am off to go play some more with my toy. Catch you on the flip side of the night.