Leave it up to James to Come up with this Solution

James is a master negotiator!  Many people have run in fear from his pure awesomeness when it comes to creative solutions that only benefit him.  I am just as fierce as he is when it comes to solutions that work in my favor and keep him walking in the right direction.  One of the new rules I have put into place is for every 1/2 hour on his beloved DS, he owes me IXL time.  IXL is a computer math site that his school uses to provide extra practice for the kids.  James really wants to get the award for going through all of the sections before the end of the year.  The third grade math has 227 skills to complete before he can get the award.  So far he has completed 27 so only 200 more to go.  Anyway, James really hates IXL but really loves his DS time.  I even threw in the guilt trip of I don't get to spend time with him when he is playing his DS.  Once he heard that... he ran with it.
"Okay mom, I will only play my DS when I am near you."  AGGGHHH... This kid certainly can find a way to make things work for his benefit and keep me hopping!  Love him, but he still owes me IXL time!

Who is this KID??

James is always full of surprises!  He loves to keep us on our toes.  One thing that rarely changes is his taste and willingness to try new foods.  It makes shopping for him super simple because I always know what to get him.  Monkey bread or cinnamon waffles for breakfast.  Noodles, pizza, french fries, sausage and chicken (in many forms) for the rest of the day's meals.  Simple, and add a few fresh or canned fruits in, drown in lemonade, and there you have it. For yesterdays lunch my husband tossed a PB&J sandwich cut into bite sizes to him and James actually ate half of the pieces (first miracle)!  Then at supper at Applebee's, James decided that the steak roll up appetizer smelled really good and tried it and liked it for the first 2 bites and then was done (second miracle)!

On our drive home, James was oblivious to the fact that his sister wasn't in the car.  When it dawned on him that she was missing he asked about her.  "Where's Charlotte?" "She went home with Papa because she is going to writing camp next week near his house."  "Good!  No Charlotte for a week!!" "What! Aren't you going to miss your sister?" "Yeah, I meant that it is good that Charlotte gets to go to camp." Good save, little man! It had been less than an hour and I missed her already! A whole week without her is going to be torture! Even though when she is home I rarely see her except for meals.  Just knowing that I can walk down the hall to the pretty blue room and find her surrounded by books and cats typing on her laptop brings me peace.  I have already told her that when she goes to college, I am going to audit all of her classes so I can see her in her element.
Today I choose to find my bliss knowing that James is maturing and is more willing to try new things.  Charlotte is still two years from leaving for college, and her top college of choice is very close, and my husband works there, so at least he may see her, and I will at least get to see her laundry weekly.  I can finally see better than I have seen in 4 months with my new lens from my cataract surgery.  Life is good!!

Just Makin' Lemonade Today!!

It is summer, so, lemonade is a favorite drink for many.  That is not the lemonade I am making today.  I am making "Life Lemonade".  You know, the "when life gives you lemons... make lemonade" thing.  Today, two things that could have been super horrible actually turned out terrific!!
First, Jamesie woke up to go pee around 3:30AM (not unusual).  He went all the way downstairs to use the bathroom there, even though he has one directly across from his bedroom (also not unusual). He turned on lights that woke my husband up around 4:14AM to find James awake and watching TV.  I woke up at this point because I heard the trash trucks.  "Hey, did you put out the trash?" "UGGG, NO!" Grumble grumble, fight clothes on, stamp downstairs, turn the alarm off, go outside to put the trash out.  See, Lemonade!!
Second, I had cataract surgery yesterday on my right eye. My cataracts are because of long term steroid use for a condition still of unknown origin.   All I know is, the steroid is the only thing that has kept me out of my wheelchair!  Anyway, cataract surgery yesterday.  Went back for the post op appointment today and the doctor was amazed at the progress from just one day with the new lens!  This is likely because I am so young to have cataract surgery.  Most people who have it are senior citizens or children with congenital eye troubles.  Without my glasses, that eye is now seeing 20/30 which is dramatically better than before, and it is super clear!  See, Lemonade!!!
So today I choose to find my bliss knowing that my vision is much better and the trash went out to the street and was picked up.  Have a great Friday!!

OOOPS!! Must Have Been a Mistake!!! HA! You're Funny!!

In an attempt to get James everything he needs to be successful, our family has made very difficult decisions.  We moved from one of the best school districts in our state to a tiny town in the central valley because it had one of the best Autism ABA programs I could find >>Kendall School<< and was still local enough for my husband and I to commute to our jobs.  This meant uprooting our other child and tearing her away from her friends at the beginning of middle school.  She was not a happy camper:( There was light at the end of the tunnel, because the town also had a program that was perfect for her, the >>International Baccalaureate<<, when she got into high school.
James has done amazingly well in his program (so has Charlotte by the way).  He has learned to manage his Autism symptoms so well that his Autism isn't the first thing people see when the meet him.  Now when people meet him, his ADHD generally is what they immediately see.  So, last night, my husband and I took James to talk to the doctor about medications that may be able to help him focus more in school.  He is tricky though because he has epilepsy and a tic disorder as well.  Apparently the medications that would be the most appropriate for him would lower his seizure threshold and increase his tics.  (Awesome, little man already moves enough!).  In addition, the doctor didn't think that James may need the medications for focus because he is very bright and doing well in school.  (Uh.. ya.. little man has someone reminding him fairly constantly to stay on task.) This year he will have a aide for only the first week or so of school and then he is on his own.
Anyway, the doctor still needs to check with the neurologist to see about medication interactions and get back to us.  One of the last things she said to us before we left was that she didn't see AUTISM when she looked at James and maybe the diagnosis was a mistake.  My husband and I looked at each other and couldn't believe our ears.  5+ years of very difficult decisions, moves, intensive therapy, 40 hours of ABA a week, my entire life being consumed by getting my son what he needs to live in a foreign world and all I get is an OOOPS!  The James she was seeing was due to insane hard work for everyone in my family!

Never know when AUTISM will peak out
but James is ready!!!!

Blood, sweat, and tears and then more blood, sweat, and tears.  Day in and day out, nothing about what we can do to draw James out of his Autism.  Now that he is out she didn't believe he ever really had Autism because people don't recover from it.  To be perfectly clear here, James did not recover from it.  He has worked very hard to manage it.  He will continue to have to work very hard to manage it the rest of his life.  He is no less Autistic today than he was on 12/20/2006, the day he first received his diagnosis.  His Autism hasn't disappeared like some random rash.  It has, however,  relinquished its control over his life.  It has been beaten into submission, but it is still there.  It still peeks out and lets us know that it is still there.
So today, as I am digging deep to find my bliss, I know that I have done everything right.  I have vaccinated my kid within an inch of his life.  I have bulked him up with as many gluten rich foods as I can find.  I have stuck him in endless hours of ABA.  I have allowed him to watch TV and play countless hours of video games because they bring him joy (and I get a break.) I send him to school and will likely NEVER home school him.
James has blossomed on this plan. It was the right plan for him and our family.  I hope you find your bliss today knowing that the path your family is on is the right one for you.

Dentist Day Recipe for Success!!

Ingredients:
1 amazingly wonderful kid friendly dentist and hygienist
1 squirmy, talkative, anxious 8 year old boy
1,000,000,000+ attempts by said 8 year old to negotiate and control the situation
1 happy mum because she didn't have to go
1 dad not given the choice to go or not to go

Mix together and voila... successful trip to the dentist.  Teeth are fine, kid is fine, dad is fine, mum is beyond fine because for once she didn't have to be the one calming the anxiety monster back into the dentist chair.

Makes enough to last for 6 months!! (thank goodness)

Good Morning!!??

During this summer, James has pushed his bedtime later and later.  We haven't pushed back too hard because he doesn't get to see his daddy very much and it is summer.  Last night it was almost 10:00 when he finally fell asleep.  In the past, that bedtime generally indicated a lazy morning wake up around 8:30 because he knew his aide would be coming at 9:00 or there was camp at 9:00.  This week he is on vacation from camp and aides.
Ding, four minutes before 6:00 the little man showed up in our room super-excited and energized.
"GOOD MORNING!  It's vacation!!!!"
"What time did you get up?"
"Sometime in the fives.  Not in the ones, twos, threes, or fours!  I was still asleep. Definitely in the fives! Can I go on the computer?"
Ah, the day has started, and he is bouncing while my husband and I are dragging.  So today I choose to find my bliss knowing that my husband is home on vacation and I can grab a nap this afternoon!!  He may want one too, but I get to go first!!

Rules are Meant to be Followed!! or BENT to Fit James' Needs

We have a steadfast rule in our house.  Absolutely no conversations about Mario, Pokemon, or Angry Birds at the table.  There is WAY too much of that talk already during the day.  Family time around the table is reserved for interesting topics of conversation.  I have already decided that when the kids go back to school in 22 days, they must come to the dinner table with 3 things that they learned about during the day.  For now, we talk about fluff.
James has decided that he can bend the rule and still be near the table.  He stands up moves 2 feet away from his spot, says his piece about the banned table conversations and giggles his way past the rule!  This kid cracks me up!!!!

These parents and their rules crack me up!!!

Happy Birthday Someone!!!

"Mom!"
"Yes James."
"It is someone's birthday!"
"Oh yeah, who is it?"
"I don't know, but it is someone!"
"Yes, you are right."
"Well if today is someone's birthday then tomorrow is someone's birthday and the next day also and the next day and the next day forever Mom!"
So happy birthday to anyone celebrating today, tomorrow, or any day in the future or the past!!  Hope your day brings happiness and many new experiences.

26 Days Until Things Get Back to Normal... Well Hopefully!

It has certainly been a difficult summer!  This is the first summer where James hasn't had a full time summer school program.  I have tried to fill the summer with camps and practice for academic readiness for 3rd grade.  The transitions in and out of the weeks have been difficult and James only likes the camps when he is done with them begging to return when the camps have finished.  One of my goals has been to work on transitions but now I see that I may have pushed him too far.  I am exhausted before the day begins knowing what the day will hold for me.
We have been lucky to have an aide for helping with behaviors.  His behaviors have been big and I feel like allowing him to do what makes him happy so that the rest of us can have a nice peaceful break before the busy school year begins in 26 days.  And yet, everyday, I prepare school work for him to do so that when 3rd grade starts, he will not meltdown in the middle of a class with 30 other students.  Again, it hasn't been easy.  In fact, it has been horrible in a lot of ways.  I hope this bedroom door survives the summer!
I have always told my children, that I am a much better mum when I don't spend all of my time with them.  I love them so much that I allow them to go to school and come home to share their days with a more relaxed mum.  I certainly admire the families who are able to home school their children, but it is certainly not for me!  I am very educated and capable to educate my children to the levels that they are entitled to but.... I also know my limits.
So today I choose to find my bliss knowing that I have survived the first 47 days of the summer vacation.  26 more to go and then I am no longer the lead in his education.  I am a very happy supporting, behind the scenes player.  I think I can, I think I can, I hope I can, Oh please can I just drop him off at school?  Just for 183 days?  They don't need to be consecutive just the knowledge that he will be cared for and educated by someone who doesn't feel the pain I do every time he screams that he hates me and slams the door.

I wanna go to 3rd grade NOW and there better not be
any work like you have made me do his summer!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom... You're Soooooo.............

Another day of keeping James on track for entering the 3rd grade.  Worked on addition facts, rules for school, and other skills that he will benefit from.  At one point, he got upset with me because I wouldn't tell him what 7+5 was.  He finally came up with the answer of 12 and I told him I knew he could do it.  He just looked at me, frustrated that I wouldn't give him the answer, and said, "Mom... you're sooooo PREDICTABLE!"  I think he meant it as an insult but to me that is a huge compliment!!
James thrives on predictability.  The unknown scares him and I am usually the one who has to endure the anxiety fest.  So predictable, I am.  Everyday, in every way, I am the same when it comes to him.  He acts, I react in the same way.  He jigs, I jag in the same way.  He Yins to my Yang in the same direction.  I have learned how to counter most of his angst.  It isn't easy, and sometimes I fail, but, for the most part I am a Black Belt James Master.  He believes that I am the Master of James because he has been told that mums, dads, teachers, and adults are the boss and he has to do what we tell him to do.  Tough lesson for an 8 year old with ideals of his own to swallow.
So today, I found my bliss knowing that predictable is a four letter word to James but music to my ears.  He needs predictability so that means he also still needs ME!!!!!!!!!! For now, I am at peace with the thought that, I am needed, as I know will not always be so.  I certainly love this little man, even though I can predict that some days will be horrible.  Today wasn't one of those days, so I go to bed happy and dream of doing it all over again tomorrow, just the same as I did it today!! 

Just keep the pretzels, pizza, french fries, and chicken coming the same
way, everyday, and I will grow into the adult you want me to be!!

What do These all Have in Common??

Here is a puzzler that keeps me perplexed whether James is in school or at home doing homework.  How are the following pages the same?

and a blank piece of paper....


They all freak him out!!!!! 
The writing page is well, it is WRITING!! The math page has way tooooooo much on it and it is timed YIKES!!! and the blank piece of paper can be anything but it has to be what the teacher tells James to put on it and not what he want to put on it.  In each of these exercises, James has little to no control over what he is supposed to do.  The writing paper is supposed to be filled with at least 5 sentences (1 topic, 3 detail and 1 conclusion).  The math sheet has to be filled in correctly and he only has a limited amount of time.  The blank page isn't to draw his favorite Pokemon character or dinosaur, NO, he needs to follow the teacher directions to the letter and make his look like every other page in the class.  
I have tried to keep him going on this all summer.  No lazy days at the pool or days without me sitting him down to practice for 3rd grade.  James is a kid who if allowed, will completely relax and never want to get back into the serious art of education.  It has been a tough summer to say the least but I know that when he starts 3rd grade in 29 days, I will be glad that I kept him going at this pace.  Mom doesn't fool around when it comes to school.  James is going to get the education that he is capable of even if he does it kicking and screaming all the way to graduation!
When James was first diagnosed with Autism on 12/20/06, the diagnosis was a scary one because he was apparently so severely Autistic they couldn't reach him to test him.  Well 5+ years later, a few more diagnoses' on his chart, (epilepsy, ADHD, ODD to name a few) the little man is surpassing all of his doctors expectations!  He is bright, loud, hyper, argumentative, silly, loving, distractable, focused (on his stuff), seems deaf (if being talked to), talkative, and overall, an amazing young man with a bright future!!!! Even if school and homework make him scowl!

Dreams of an 8 Year Old

When James grows up he wants to be a race car driver.  There are a few medical diagnoses' in his way of reaching that dream but it is always good to have one.  Today, his sister sat behind the wheel of a car for the first time and drove off for her initial "speedy" trip.  He was jealous until he saw how slowly she was driving.  This clip below is in actual time so just be patient.  The 1 minute and 40 something seconds broke my heart as much as her first day of kindergarten.  Another huge milestone for me to endure!  She won't listen to me telling her to stop growing sooooooo fast!!

In Response to ... What Autistic Looks Like

Ah... If you don't know... why should we tell???? 

Okay... I'm Guilty!!!

As an Autism Mum, I fight for my son to be understood and accepted.  I believe that if people took the time to get to know him, they would love him as much as I do.  I also believe that ignorance isn't an excuse.  We should accept people for who they are changing ourselves as needed to grow and learn.  But I am guilty!  This I just don't get!! Can someone please explain it to me??

 

NOOOOOOO not Sleep!!! I Will do the IXL if it keeps me AWAKE!!!!!

James had a nightmare a night or so ago and now has decided that he would rather do anything but sleep.  We are heading to that time of night again and I wonder what the diversion will be tonight.  Last night, he pleaded to do IXL (math online that his school subscribes to).  James HATES IXL with every fiber of his being!  I have been having him work on it over the summer to keep him in practice for when school starts.  We have been working on skills that are definitely review from 2nd grade with slightly more difficult tweaks (we want him to challenge himself).  I am ready tonight and have the IXL all ready for when he decides he doesn't want to sleep tonight!

If you select a marble without looking, how likely is it that you will pick an orange one?

	certain
	probable
	unlikely
	impossible

Looks fun to me!  I hope he is up for it!!  Hope everyone has a great night!!!

My First Blogging Award!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two days ago, I logged onto my favorite blogs reading list and found that I had been given the "One Lovely Blog Award".  I am not really one for tooting my own horn, but I am really glad that others enjoy the Laughter, Could be the Missing Piece Blog as much as I enjoy writing and living it.

Thank you >>Miss Allison's Class<< for my first blogging award!! I love your blog too, so you are the first on my list of 15 to award this award back to.  You have an amazing sense of calm urgency when it comes to educating those little ones in your classroom.

Apparently this award comes with some pretty ribbons (strings) attached to it.

1.  Follow the person who gave you the award.

2.  Link back to the person who gave you the award.

3.  Pass the award on to 15 new bloggers.

So here we go.... Most of my favorite blogs are those written by moms and dads living with children with Autism.

1. Miss Allison's Class
2. Alphabet Magnets and Chicken Nuggets
3. Autism Daddy
4. Bacon and Juice Boxes
5. Caffeinated Autism Mom
6. Finding Peace in the Autism Puzzle
7. Full Spectrum Mama
8. Grape Jelly on Pizza
9. Homestyle Mama (with a side of autism)
10. Mama Be Good
11. My Aspergers Child
12. My Life With My "Au"some Son
13. Our Life in Pieces
14. Raising Rebel Souls
15. Welcome to the Koeppel Clan
16. Autism Blogs Directory (you will find so many more autism blogs at this site - if I have omitted anyone specifically, I apologize)

So today I choose to find my bliss knowing that others are walking the same path I am. Our journeys may be very different, but we all start with an intense love for our children. I encourage you to check out these amazing blogs, as they will help you get a more personal look into the diagnosis known as autism.

What???? Wait a Minute Little Man. Let Me Get My Map for This Conversation!!

"You know mom, when I am 11 we will go our separate ways."
"Really?  That seems really soon because you are almost nine."
"Well, you will go and do your special stuff and I will go a separate way."
"Does that mean you won't live here any more? Can I give away your stuff?"
"Ah, No.......... I will come back after."
"Good because I would really miss you!"
"No you won't because you will be coming with me."
"I thought we were going separate ways."
"Well, I need you to do two things.  One, you need to cook for me and two is the most important.  You need to build a campfire."
"Only those two things?"
"Yup! And you will get paid!"
"Cool but who is going to tie your shoes?"
"Well, yeah, maybe three things but the campfire is the most important."
So, I guess I have 3 years to prepare for this separation and learn how to cook pizza on a campfire.  I will have to bookmark this Youtube page:

Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love???????????????? You Decide

Okay, so we all seem to tackle some difficult topics in our blogs.  Poop painting, abusive teachers, scary medical tests, incontinence.  We all can relate to some or all of the topics without a second thought.  Well, last night at supper, we had one of THOSE discussions.  James was talking about love. It is a topic we talk a lot in our family.  James being very black and white and apparently traditional, decided that love could only be between a boy and a girl (man and woman).  My daughter, being a child who accepts everyone for who they are, (unless they are inherently cruel) asked why can't a man love a man and a woman love a woman.  James didn't have a great comeback for this other than boys love girls and girls love boys, nuf said!
My husband, being the diplomat he is, took it one step further to hopefully give James another angle to look at and possible open his mind up a crack.  He told James that he loves his dad, brother and son (James).  After a second of consideration, James looked at his daddy and simply stated, "Yeah, well have you ever married a man?" "Ah,...... no"
I guess the door is closed on this conversation until James gets a little older and we dare to broach the subject of levels of love.
So today, I hope you find your bliss loving whoever you have chosen not just who society has decided for you.

Happy 236th Birthday America!!

The banter at the table is one of my favorite times of the whole day.  A time with the kids in the same space doing the same thing is simply magical!  One of the things that happens is word play.  Charlotte and James love to do a one-up-man-ship thing. Charlotte being 7 years older than James, she can usually win in the vocab phase of the game.  James almost always wins because he says something so classically James that she ends up laughing and he knows he has got her.
Can't really remember exactly what the banter was about tonight, but at one point my husband stated, "Ah, the semi-hostile sibling relationship!"  Charlotte retorted, "NAH!" "So a hostile one?" James' turn, "We are not hostile.  We are Americans!!"
So blow out the candles and celebrate the birth of our country. Celebrate the amazing relationships that are allowed to freely express their appreciation of each other.

Who's the Boss??

James announced today that when he grows up, he wants to be a boss.  A laudable goal and it takes him to a level of hopeful empathy for those he will be in charge of.  He went on to say that what he meant was that when he gets older and gets married to a girl he isn't sure who right now, they will have children and they will be able to boss them.  Interesting.....

For as long as he has been working with his ABA team... James has been told that his teachers and parents are the boss and he needs to do what they ask him to do without arguing with them.  James LOVES to argue with people in authority positions.  It has come to my attention as I have been dissecting these arguments that they tend to be because of his anxiety.  The harder he fights for his position, the higher level of anxiety he is displaying.  It has taken me such a long time to come up with this correlation but now that I am aware, I can, hopefully help him through this.  So little man, argue on and I will hopefully help you find your zen spot.  BUT you still have to do your work!

Lovin' Maps!!! Please Tell Us About Your State!

James ADORES maps!  Maps of anything, from any time in history, he just loves them.  On a recent trip to Costco he found a rug that is a map of the United States.  He was thrilled until he also found an Angry Bird Green Pig large plush toy and then he was down right giddy!! Anyway, back to the maps.  This map rug is currently displayed in our living room as James' room isn't ready for it yet.  He loves looking at it and has started a new game.  He tosses one of his treasure rocks and whatever state it lands on is where we are going at that moment.

Looks like the rock want to find
out about Iowa!! It had originally
rested on Missouri so that is where
we are starting.

I have talked to him about many of the states as I have visited or driven through.  I have been to 49 all except Alaska.  I have friends in a lot of different states and now that I blog and am on Facebook, well, my friends in states has grown even more.  So guess where he is wanting to go on his first state exploration?  On his map, the state is light green, close to the middle of the country, between Iowa and Arkansas.  Last night he chose.............. Missouri!!  Okay blogging and Facebook friends, what can you tell us about your amazing state?  Where are your favorite places to visit?  What makes Missouri special to your family? My little man wants to know!!

What?... Are You Kidding Me?... The Fish Pooped on MY Rocks!!!

Today was fish tank cleaning day.  James' self assigned job was to grab as many of the glass rocks as he could for his collection!  The fish were moved to safety, and James got to work.  He stuffed his pockets with the treasures.  I told him that they needed to be cleaned because the fish have been pooping in the tank.  "What!!!!! These fish are sooooo LAME!!!" He unstuffed his pockets as fast as he could and fled upstairs after washing his hands.  Apparently the fish are not allowed to poop on James' treasures!!  Finally the tank was clean and the 3 rocks that James wanted were set aside (a red, white and blue one).  Poor fish!  Just another day with James.  His way or NO WAY!!! No person or animal is allowed to be human or animal like if it goes against his rules!!

False Advertisement (Well At Least in James Speak)!!!!!

As parents, we are all prone to our kids seeing the newest greatest must-have item on a TV commercial.  James' new must-have, can't-live-without item is the Bright Light Pillow.  He apparently can't sleep without it and if he can't sleep no one will. Last night he came into the loft at bedtime with a phone number written on a piece of card stock.
He grabbed the phone and started dialing. My husband took the phone from him, placed it back on its cradle, and asked him what he was doing. James presented the paper and said he needed this pillow to ensure peaceful sleep. Apparently peaceful sleep is sleep that has a dream. He tried several times to dial the phone number before the phone was taken and physically retained by my husband. Even then he kept arguing for his position and demanding where Daddy had put the phone. Daddy told him he had not put it anywhere, and eventually James realized it was still in Daddy's hand. No fair! A very upset James stomped off, accusing us as his parents of not wanting him to have peaceful sleep.
The battle was put on hold for his nightly story time with Daddy, though additional arguments were advanced as he was being tucked in. Daddy lay down next to James's bed to make sure our son would stay put, a tactic that usually works when there is a tendency to get up and wander. This time was no exception. James loves company when he is going asleep. Story time ended at 8:40 P.M. By 8:55 P.M., James was asleep.
We did not hear a single thing from him except for one bathroom trip in which he put himself back to bed around midnight. The next time he appeared was 7:45 A.M. We inquired if he slept well. He said "Yes, but it was not peaceful." Any time James sleeps for nearly twelve hours seems pretty darn peaceful to me!

An example of the commercial that caused all the trouble...